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ASK A WITCH-Disconnect

Two similar questions came to me this week about disengaging from toxic relationships with black magic wielders. The most important, and sometimes most difficult part, is the sincere desire to break connections with people that, even though we know they aren’t good for us, hold us enthralled none-the-less. This is where it becomes important to honor ourselves, and our health and welfare, above all else.

For over ten years I keep allowing myself to be "manipulated" by this individual. Every time I believe that I have at last seen him for the abusive narcissist he is & rid myself of his "influence" upon me, it seems he bides his time, to once more, inch by inch, ever so gradually, worm his way back into my world. And I seem to be blinded to the ever so subtle encroachment of his ways at deception, trickery & gas lighting. Until I find myself, again, in the clenches of his twisted mind games. I don't understand how I become so blind to the most obvious tricks & the treachery behind his actions, when I know that this is how it plays out. Any insight, counsel, advice would be appreciated. I am a solitary, eclectic witch, with highly attuned sensitivity to my surroundings, people, animals, weather & clairvoyant dreams & "flashes" of insight. Is there a spell on me? Or am I, simply, a sucker? At my wits end. Humbly I request council. Thank you for listening, & Thank you in advance for any wisdom you may share.

Unfortunately, there are people out there who have mastered the art of manipulation, and it looks like one of them has his hooks in you. Sure, it’s possible that you are “simply a sucker,” but since you are a highly attuned witch, my guess is that you already know that there is more at work here. One theory is that he has cast a spell to keep you in his grips, and you will need to do some serious ceremony and spell work to break it. The clincher here is that you have to REALLY want to cut all ties, and that sounds like it may be the hardest part. I suggest you start by writing down a lengthy, comprehensive list of all of the ways that he has wronged you, and all of his many faults (you started it in your letter, but really dig in). Next, open sacred space and start a fire. Take an object that represents him (photos and/or letters work well) and state your intention aloud and powerfully- to rid yourself from any and all spells and connections to this person- then throw it in the fire. You can also take several small sticks and run them along your body with the intention to cut any cords that remain between you, and throw that into the fire as well. Finally, throw the list in, ridding yourself completely of this toxic relationship.

All this said, it is also possible that the connection is deeper- it could be a past life contract that is binding you. In that case, you could take a self-guided journey to your own “underworld” (unconscious mind) and ask the guardian there to show you where this contract began (it goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway- open sacred, protected space before beginning and be sure you are somewhere safe and quiet). Follow your guardian to the point of origin, and when you find it, do whatever needs to be done to destroy it (set fire to it, break the chains, tear it up, however it appears, find a way to end it). Thank your guardian and follow the same path back out that you took in.

Finding, and claiming, the gifts and lessons that came from this decade long relationship can go a long way towards ending it. There is probably a reasons, or reasons, that you haven’t been able to escape it yet, and those may include certain qualities that you needed to gain. Think on, and journal about, how you have grown and changed over the last ten years, and accept that those gifts are now yours. Once you can claim those qualities with gratitude, the need to continue growing them disappears.

Make a beautiful altar dedicated to yourself and tend to it regularly, to remind yourself how valuable you are. Place flowers, crystals, fruit, candles, pictures...anything that inspires you. You deserve healthy, affirming love, and anything else is a waste of your time.

If none of this works, you may need to seek help. No matter how much of an accomplished witch you may be, we can all use assistance, particularly when it comes to our blindspots. Good luck.

I have a question about menstrual blood, particularly regarding my ex-boyfriend ingesting mine on purpose. I am unsure why he did this and the relationship ended in quite a horrible way. Basically he ingested the blood during oral sex three or four times at the beginning of our relationship. He knew that I was on my period so he did it on purpose. I have a history with some white magic and mystical orders. That being said, I know he's into magic or came from a background of magic even though he said otherwise.

After those three or four times, all of the sudden he didn't want to have sex with me on my period and it was disgusting to him. That's why I know him ingesting it was intentional from the beginning.

The whole relationship lasted about a year and a half. The last 3 or 4 months he started taking me for granted and treating me disrespectfully and being very selfish.

It has been 2 and 1/2 months since he left. About 2 or 3 weeks ago he astral travelled to me at night and tried to have sex with me and I told him no way. Ever since then I cannot get him out of my mind and I'm dreaming about him almost every night. I have always been crazy about him since we met and still love him.

Blood magic is ancient and powerful. Because blood is linked to our very essence, it holds both life and death and all of the possibilities there-in. Although the very idea of blood magic often conjures up violence and sacrifice, blood in itself isn’t evil, and so, depending on the intention behind its use, blood magic isn’t necessarily black magic. All of that said, it is definitely potent. Using even a drop of two of blood amplifies any spell or ritual, and, like all magic, should only be done safely and consensually.

Unfortunately, it sounds like he was neither safe nor consensual when ingesting your blood, and sloppy witchcraft can have unintended consequences that are tricky to undo. There is a practice of putting a drop of ones menstrual blood into someone’s food to bind them to you with desire and love. My guess is that this was his intention. If you’ve read any of my previous columns you can probably guess that I am strictly against doing anything like this, for several reasons. If the recipient is an unknowing participant, it is messing with their free will-a right that should be inherent to every person. Even if they do know, such contracts can be difficult to break, even if both parties wish to, and can last through lifetimes. Being crazy in love and mad with desire can be fun for awhile, but when it begins to override everything else in a person’s life, including their safety and autonomy, it can get old quickly.

I suggest you follow my advice in the previous letter to rid yourself of this dangerous person’s influence (fire ceremony, journey, gifts, altar). If possible, in your fire ceremony, consider using a drop of your menstrual blood as a way to reclaim this essential part of yourself. There are many ways you could include it- a bit on the stick, an offering to the fire; trust your intuition and do what feels right. Set clear intentions about breaking whatever ties were made with his blood magic. Carry a protective talisman (stones work well) to shield yourself from his astral visits, and take salt water baths to draw out your own stubborn love.

You can and will feel crazy in love with someone else again, but only after you fully rid yourself of this connection. You have to want it, and, take it from me, you should. He crossed lines that he shouldn’t have, and ultimately you can’t trust him. Good luck.

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