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A couple of questions orbiting around the ability to live a better, more authentic life. As always, I empower you to do the work yourself, while reminding you that there is no weakness in asking for help. You deserve it.

Help! I am becoming my parents and that’s not necessarily a good thing. My dad is kinda an asshole and my mom has a tenuous relationship with the truth. How can I nip this in the bud? Is there anything I can do before I don’t like myself anymore? Parent Trap

Dear Trap,

Generational curses and inherited emotional patterns and trauma are real issues-this phenomena is even being studied scientifically (see biogenetic decoding for more info). Luckily for you, identifying the situation and awakening your awareness around the problem is an important first step toward healing, for yourself, your ancestors, and future generations (anytime you do work like this, it clears anyone in the lineage with the same issues). This emotional DNA is at work on a cellular level, as well as an energetic one, so the remedy is energy work.

You can do energy work on yourself, and it is possible it will be effective, depending on your level of intuition, mental clarity, and belief in the desired results. This involves a deep mediation and journey work, so create uninterrupted time and space for yourself. Open sacred space and protection, always, before doing any sort of magical work, and set clear intentions that your work is for the healing and good of all. Get comfortable, and if you like you can put on appropriate music or play a drum or rattle. Set your intention to journey to your underworld (or unconscious self, if you prefer) and find a way there that suits your taste (I like to go into a cave and descend underground via a stream of water. I arrive in a pool where I can submerge and clean away inhibitions before proceeding into this sacred space. Feel free to create your own map). When you enter your underworld, take a moment to arrive by engaging your senses- what do you hear, smell, see, feel? Ask the guardian of this place to meet you and show you to the source of your concerns. What you find could appear to you in many ways; for the sake of this demonstration lets say that you come across a cord, going forward and backward in time. Using your hands or a tool, you can unhook the cord and wind it up, destroying it in a fire when you have gathered it all together. This is just one way to clear; because this is an exercise in imagination, you may see something else entirely and it will be up to you to decide how best to remove it from your energy field.

This is pretty advanced work, and while I don’t think you can do any harm (as long as you made precautions with your protection and intentions), you may feel more comfortable going to a professional energy healer or witch. They will know what to do, and you are more likely to get the results you want safely and effectively. And don’t despair; with understanding and assistance, you may not only clear your own issues, but also help generations of your family to heal.

I don’t know what to do. I’m 30 years old, and I’ve been feeling stuck, low energy, mildly depressed, for months, maybe years. I don’t love my job, I’m lonely, there doesn’t seem to be much that’s exciting about my life. Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself I become ashamed-there are so many people who suffer more. I’m not really sure what my question is, but I could really use some advice on how to get out of this rut. I remember what it’s like to feel happy, but it’s been a long time. Stuck Here

Dear Stuck,

You are certainly not alone in feeling this way. It seems that more and more people are coming to me with these symptoms. We are in the age of infinite choice, and that can have the effect of overwhelming apathy and ennui. When we no longer find ourselves fighting for food and shelter, our very survival, then all of a sudden we have to decide what we do want to put all of that energy into. When nothing ignites our passion in a major way we end up feeling lost and untethered. The mistake here is to hope for a bonfire-that will only leave you cold and disappointed. Instead, I suggest you begin by following sparks. There are things that interest you, even if they don’t seem major right now. Notice the tiniest reactions to things- a story that catches your attention, a song that evokes emotion, a hike that inspires, a personal connection that warms you. There is work to do here- you have to put yourself into the world to get the world to reveal its treasures to you. Step outside. Join groups and meet-ups. Read books. Go to shows. Take a walk. Try a new restaurant. Volunteer for a cause that is meaningful to you. Literally anything at all to begin to kindle the flame of life within you. These small sparks can catch and before you know it your light will begin to glow again.

There is no map for how to live a fulfilling life of purpose and joy, we have to find the way ourselves. Instead of being overwhelmed by that, let it inspire you to step into the role of creator of your life. Start by asking yourself what you would do without any limitations (money, time, energy, gravity, etc) and let yourself dream. You might be surprised at how possible some of these desires are. You have to first know what it is you truly want. It doesn’t have to be huge. Maybe you want to sleep in, have a big breakfast, cuddle a puppy, swim in the ocean. Congratulations, creator, you can-maybe not everything and probably not all at once, but, at least you now know what excites you. Follow that feeling. Allow yourself to indulge in joy.

Instead of feeling shame by comparing yourself to others, use that emotion to look for ways that you can help those whose suffering seems worse than yours. Nothing can infuse purpose more effectively than helping others. And try not to beat yourself up. No one can know the suffering of others, the best we can hope for is compassion, and that starts with ourselves. Give yourself a chance to be the person you want to be. You are still young, with an entire world of options open to you. Notice the sparks, ask yourself what you want, and give back. Remember to express gratitude when something kindles in you, and allow yourself to shine.

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